Memories Shared
Words shared by those who knew Hugh — gathered from messages, memories, and letters.
I remember talking to Hugh periodically … We had some interesting conversations, and I remember meeting up with him to hang out somewhere during that period of time, though I don’t recall exactly what we did. I do remember bonding about time spent at CAMH and grievances about the psychiatric system. I wish I’d seen more of him towards the end.
A family friend
Visiting their summer camp as a young family, Hugh took on the role of leading in soccer with his brothers and our boys. His wavy hair bouncing in the sun, mimicking his happy freedom of play. You were the oldest, Hugh, and a shining star. Now gone on ahead, you have touched our lives indirectly in later years, in unexpected and yet profound ways. Sail on, tender spirit!
A family friend
Wednesdays with Hugh.
Hugh was my neighbour. He found out I had a Costco card and asked me to take him. Soon it became a routine — every Wednesday I took him and my mother to go grocery shopping at Costco. He always knew exactly what he wanted, which included “the best tuna, Rio Mare.” He was wonderfully frugal, careful with his money, and incredibly knowledgeable. Every week, he would talk about what was happening in the news, share his thoughts on the world, and teach me things I didn’t know.
At that stage of my life, I was a busy mother of three and never felt particularly organized when it came to meal planning, grocery shopping, and keeping the household running. I looked forward to our weekly Costco trips — it gave rhythm and structure to my week. I loved that.
I’ll admit that when we first met, I was intimidated. I didn’t always know how to act or what to say. But what I came to learn was that behind the challenges he faced was a thoughtful, curious, opinionated, intelligent, and interesting person. The more time I spent with him, the more I appreciated him.
During a difficult period in his life, when he was in the hospital, he called and asked if I could bring him orange juice. It was not allowed at the hospital. It tormented me for a long time that I couldn’t do that for him. What I remember now is not the orange juice itself, but the fact that he reached out to me. I am grateful for that trust, and for the connection we shared.
Thanks, Hugh.
A neighbour
Hugh and I were in the same class for three years in middle school. I remember that Hugh often entertained our class with his jokes and clever quips.
A classmate
Hugh was born just days after our own first child. If I can project what that was for me, I think I can say that Hugh was the beginning of a remarkable new journey in the lives of his parents — a relationship that was all-encompassing and will always be there. This website offers us a brief snapshot of Hugh’s life. He brought energy and creativity with him, tried hard in his endeavours, and was a leader by default, being the eldest child. The childhood photos are delightful.
As he grew, Hugh rolled with what life gave him, and life gave him a lot more to deal with than many of us can imagine, as his evolving mental health presented challenges to the family. He taught those around him things, and he taught his parents too — and that has been a gift. May you all remember the best memories and funny stories, and feel rich in that. Be gentle with yourselves. Hugh would want that, I think.
A family friend
Hugh was larger than life (in so many ways), and I remember fondly all the time he spent helping his dad and us at St. George’s-on-the-Hill, the conversations (often winding but always interesting) that he and I would have when he called. His genuine willingness to want to help and be part of community, and his sense of humour.
I’m so terribly sad to hear this news, it’s both sudden and heart breaking, but please know regardless of the time past, the Murrays hold a fond place and part of my heart, and Hugh lives as a giant in that space.
A friend
Hugh was a lovely guy and I really enjoyed seeing him when I visited his home. He had a sharp wit and a contented attitude, and really valued his freedom to spend his days as he saw fit. He also really valued a good look and was rather into fashion. He would often tell me about the trials and tribulations of dressing well as a larger man. I’m going to miss him.
A caregiver
Your son was such a fascinating person with so many gifts.
A family friend
Such a gift Hugh was and is to all who knew him — your photos of your precious, beautiful son are wonderful.
A family friend
My memory is of Hugh as a little boy at St. Jude’s Church. Life with him, his father, and their whole family took many roads, hills, and valleys — so for all of us… Sometimes we old clergy are like a spare tire for the Bishop!
Our prayers for you and family in this time of bereavement.
A member of the clergy
I remember when my son and I visited you in the old vicarage in Hamilton. The boys raced up and down your two staircases. Such a novelty for my son — two staircases in one house!
A family friend
What I learned about Hugh from your site reminded me of Edna St. Vincent Millay’s poem:
My candle burns at both ends;
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends—
It gives a lovely light!
A family friend
I had the privilege of supporting Hugh during his time with us at The Arch, and he will always hold a special place in my heart. Hugh was a man of quiet strength and gentle presence. Though he didn’t speak often, when he did, his words carried meaning and warmth.
In his own unique way, Hugh showed how much he cared about his community. He was always observant and made sure to alert staff to anything that didn’t seem right, looking out not just for himself, but for others as well.
Hugh found joy in the simple things. He loved music, which often brought him comfort and peace, and it was one of the ways he quietly expressed himself. He also enjoyed shopping for new shoes and would light up when talking about where he got them and how much they cost. Those moments revealed a side of him that was full of personality and quiet happiness.
He found comfort in his routines, especially when it came to cleaning and doing his laundry. On those days, he would be up early at 7:00 a.m., making sure everything was just right. These small, steady habits were a reflection of who he was — consistent, thoughtful, and grounded.
It’s often these everyday moments that stay with us the longest, and Hugh has left a lasting impression on me through them. It was truly an honour to know and support him. He will be deeply missed and fondly remembered.
A support worker at The Arch
Hugh was a formidable training partner who seemed to take joy in demonstrating his shocking strength and stability. I stood no chance against him. He was a respectful and gracious winner. My sincere condolences to his family and friends.
A judo training partner
Hugh trained hard and was always willing to pitch in with things at the club. He would reach out to me often to let me know about sales on frozen pizza, a shared love. He also would alert me to errors on my website or in our club emails. I am sad to hear of his passing and my thoughts and prayers go out to the family. I hope you are doing your rolls in heaven, Hugh.
His judo instructor
I was incredibly saddened to hear about the passing of Hugh. We did judo together — he was always an exceptionally nice person to be around. He brought a quiet kindness to the gym that was truly appreciated. I am so sorry for your loss, and my thoughts are with you.
Someone from his judo club